"Who am I? What do I want?" The words of my yoga teacher, Kim, echo through the room and haunt me into the depths of my psyche. As we sink into savasana at the end of every class, I dread this moment. Who am I? What do I want? Fuck. I don’t know.
Throughout my adult life, you could find me more often than not, on the floor, in a daze, pondering why—despite a public persona that radiates energy and happiness—I often find myself engulfed in confusion about who I am and who I want to be. Feeling trapped by my own limitations and the life circumstances of the moment.
How does one even begin to define the very essence of who they are?
Am I the devoted yet struggling single mom?
Am I the boss and brand-builder?
Am I a CEO? A Founder?
Am I the adventurous girl who never got the chance to claim freedom in her youth?
Am I the passionate lover and dedicated partner?
Am I the liberated single girl?
Am I the life of the party? Dancing through the night, fueled by tequila and questionable decisions.
Am I the comic, the jester of the friend group? The one who lights up the night with laughter over stories and cocktails.
Am I the wandering adventurer?
Am I the relentless creative force and storyteller?
Am I the beauty industry expert? Is that all I will ever be?
Am I all of these things? Am I none of these things? Is that enough for me? Somehow, nothing felt right. Nothing fit.
I am no stranger to plot twists. From finding out I was pregnant at seventeen, to leaving a cushy promotion behind in my comfy corporate role for a scrappy startup—I’ve been there.
More recently, I went from paving the road to the life I had carefully architected—both personal and professional—to witnessing it all crumble spectacularly.
I lost what I believed to be the job of my dreams. I lost who I thought would be the love of my life.
Is this who I am now? The woman who lost it all? No, that doesn’t fit either.
As Kim would say as I tirelessly fight my way through another frustrating yet familiar yoga flow, "You've been here before."
Who am I? What do I want? The words continue to echo, day after day, week after week, year after year. I keep showing up, dreading savasana, the answer yet to reveal itself, despite years of soul searching, unearthing, reinvention, and self-discovery. Until now.
If there is one consistent theme in my life, it's the power of the plot twist: a cycle of tragedy, transformation, creation, alchemy. Every crisis, every ridiculous setback, has been a dark alley leading me to a street lit with neon signs of opportunity. It’s in these moments of total disarray and utter nonsense that I’ve found my truest self—not confined to a single identity but evolving through them all.
This newsletter is my latest act of alchemy. Here, I aim to share not just the triumphs, but the trials—the messy, hilarious, profound mess of living. From executive boardroom blunders to spontaneous road trips helping friends heal from heartbreak, to too many tequilas leading to ending up on the wrong trains to nowhere, you'll get it all.
No filters, just laughs, lessons, and existential musings from life in its raw, chaotic glory.
So, who am I? I am Donna Maude, the alchemist of my being—constantly transforming, evolving, and creating anew from the raw materials of my experiences.
And what do I want? To own my power as the author of my story, writing each chapter with intention, creativity, and an unyielding wit. As I pen each chapter, I may not know where it will lead or what the ending will be—and that’s the beauty of the alchemy.
Let’s keep in touch
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💌 Love me, mean it? Share 'Plot Twisted' with your most unhinged friends and loved ones. They’ll thank you for it... eventually.
Loved this so much, D! So proud & inspired by you always. Knowing someone else is at times reinventing or evolving makes me feel less crazy & alone. Thanks for sharing!
So excited to follow along on your writing journey!! Love it so far and love you!!